Thursday, December 11, 2008

A new road that I'm taking....

I decided to share a very personal story with everyone in honor of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop Writing Assignment. Hop on over to her blog to check her assignment out and leave a linky. Pick one of the prompts on her page and leave me a comment and I will check yours out.

Most of you already know how drastically my life has changed in the past couple of months and for those of you who don't I will fill you in a little.......

November 8, 2008 is a day I will never forget. It was the day that I was supposed to get married to the love of my life, David. We had dated for 3.5 years and were engaged last year on December 27th. I was the happiest girl in the world :) We were perfect for each other and life was good. In the months leading up to the big day I was busy planning our wedding and finishing up college. It's crazy to look back on that now and think that my college days are over with. I don't have too much to remember about them except that I worked the entire time I went to school, didn't party at all and didn't really make any new friends. All of that is okay with me because I enjoyed being somewhat independent, I didn't care to party and I already had amazing friends!

A couple of months before the wedding things changed. I'm not going to go into detail because it's very personal and I would like to keep some privacy for David and I. Ultimately the wedding was called off by David and at no one's fault but my own. I made some bad decisions in the weeks leading up to the wedding and they may be something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. When you hear people say that "life can change in the blink of an eye" you better believe it, because it can and it did.

I'm suppose to be a newlywed. I'm suppose to be Mrs. Howard David Schafer. I'm suppose to be filling out Christmas cards with our pictures on them! I'm crying as I write this because I look back on how perfect things were and think about how they ended up like this....how we ended up like this. I don't understand it. Life was going so well for the two of us. We had a house to move in to, we were having a beautiful wedding and we were crazy in love. We had it all. What made me do what I did I'll never understand. I'm sorry that I hurt someone I loved so badly. God trusts us to do what is right and in this instance I failed him, David and myself. I already know that God has forgiven me and David has forgiven me but this is something that I'm not sure I will never be able to forgive myself for, especially if I lose David forever. I should have thought about what I was doing...I should have put him first...I should have handled the whole situation differently. I've realized alot through this.

I've grown up alot in the past few weeks and I've learned the importance of God in my life (more than ever before) and I've also realized that putting yourself first is hardly ever a good thing to do. Once you make a commitment to someone you should always honor that commitment and never back down; never give in to temptation and always respect the people you love. And never EVER take someone or something for granted.

Maybe if I would have been less selfish then David and I would be celebrating our one month anniversary together....we would have enjoyed our honeymoon together....we would now be talking about when we wanted to have our first baby. It's hard to think about these things and to think about the possibility of them never happening. I pray to God that he takes care of David and I....whatever the future may hold. If it's God's will then it will work. I just hope that we are apart of his plan and that David and I can move past this and one day get married and have the beautiful children that we've already named and talked about.

While I wait for God's plan to unfold....I've decided to take a new road. That is why I took this out of state job interview and that is why I'll be accepting the offer and taking the job. Yes it is in Tampa where I was suppose to be living already and yes it is only 30 minutes down the road from where David lives, but it's something I need to do. I hope and pray that I get this job. It's time that I grow up.....live on my own, support myself and take care of myself for once. I've always lived at home and I've always had help. Not anymore....I'm ready. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to see what life has to offer. I'm ready. I've been ready and that's why I'm going. Although this is not exactly what I saw in my future, I'm ready for it anyway. Everything will be okay. God is here. God is there. God is everywhere.

10 comments:

Following Him said...

It takes a LOT of courage and strength to post what you just did. Here is a virtual *HUG* from me to you.
Hang in there and have lots of fun in NY!
~Elyse~

BoufMom9 said...

I think it's amazing how far you have come in just the short time I have "known" you. You are on the right path now and you just need to keep going....

ps thank you so much for your very supportive words today :)

Melissa said...

Wow.... what a story!!! {big hugs} I am sorry you are going through a rough time right now.... and I hope you (and David) can worl through it and get back on the right road!! :)

I'm glad you found my blog because that means I found yours too!! :)

Terri said...

You are a strong woman. I know because it had to have taken a lot to write this. I will pray that you find the path you were meant to take! stay strong! Have a great weekend in NYC!

Emily said...

I am trully sure that it took a lot out of you to write this post and I am very proud of you. I bet you feel a lot better after writing it tho. Because it helps the heart heal a little to get it all out there....
Im an sure that with time...u will heal and that God will be with you every single step of the way:)
Hugs:)

Jen B. said...

I know things are difficult right now, but God will take care of you & guide you through this.
I'm so happy that you got your job & will be starting a new path... it may be exactly what you need right now! Everything happens for a reason, the hard part is waiting to find out what that reason is! Hang in there!

Cheryl Lage said...

Oh Heather, bless you. Wishing you peace and continued courage and strength as you move forward.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with us.

The Griffith Family said...

Girl... I"m in tears. It has taken a lot of courage for you to type this to the world. You just don't know who reads these blogs and to know that you have wrote this is only the beginning of your healing... DO NOT say that you don't know if you can forgive yourself. If you know that David has forgiven you, YOU KNOW GOD has, then why not you? You have to to be able to move forward and if that's what you want in your life which starts with forgiveness!! Get in the bible and read scriptures on forgiveness- learn what you can for yourself to deal with this situation. HEAR what HE- the great GOD up above will say to you. Moving to Tampa and being near David just might be what your relationship needs. I know you've learned a lesson from this- it's evident here but always keep in mind that the devil is ALWAYS out to get us and he will come back to tempt you over and over... you must be strong strong strong to fight back when he comes at you again. He attacked you when you were at your weakest- tired, stressed, maybe even questionable- who doesn't get that way b/f a wedding and starting a real adult life? So be strong strong strong when he comes again!!!
NYC? AWESOME! I'm jeoulous. I wish I'd known I could've drove up that way and met you all. It's not far from here. 3 hrs... hope you all have fun- TAKE LOTS OF PICS... look for the naked cowboy! Please do call me SOON.

Aimee and I said...

Heather,

Sorry to post on here to ask this question, but I don't have an email address of yours. I love your three column blog setup. Did you do that yourself? If so, do you think you can help me with mine?

God Bless,

Adam Freeman

Honey Mommy said...

I love your attitude! You are so strong and it is wonderful that you are wise enough to learn from your mistakes. Sometimes life's lessons can be extremely hard.

I hope things work out for you in the future!